29. Inertia

" She said she's moved on. Supposedly happy for her, supposedly freed from a screwed mess like me. Night falls and i reflect on what an upsetting failure i have been. Pacing back and forth in a circle eventually comes back to where i started, i am loser like that. What's left is solely the past? Good for you. At the very least, my harsh words have deprived me of the chance to torture you again by catalysing closure for you, and protecting you from scars that my mindless knife would cut unwillingly, yet so reluctant to retreat. I look back at the notes the bottle and the beach in regret. Searched for the right pair of arms to keep me warm in the cold, i found it after one year and i had it for three months and i willingly chose to lose it. Who am i kidding? Who do i blame? Bitten but never shy. 3 unwithstanding months for you is paper thin, wind comes and they cruise with it. 1 year and 8 months for me is rigid but perhaps fragile, like glass it was always standing there but often unseen, often concealed with attempts make myself appear strong. All the memories used to crane over with colours, forming streetlights that would guide me to sleep, recently compounded with the past and current mistakes. Tonight the streetlights threatened to hang over and crumble and i hope to give them alternative, not expression. Learn to uncover the colorful shades of gray. On the other side the grass is greener, i constantly assure myself every moonless night in alternate fashion. "